you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
