hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
