So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
