shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
