Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
