Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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