I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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