last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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