I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
