I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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