Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
