i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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