and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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