the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
