i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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