So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
