she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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