i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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