A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
