I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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