coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
