I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
