Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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