I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
