Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
