I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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