I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
