You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
