Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
