hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
