I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
