Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
