Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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