I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
