she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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