Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
