i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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