he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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