I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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