It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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