If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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