it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
