Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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