How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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