if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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