All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
