I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
