no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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