sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
