Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
