Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
