I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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