how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
