ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Can I color on your dick again?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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