I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
