the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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