In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
