If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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