all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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