Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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