Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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