party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
