rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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