His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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