I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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