We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
