sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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