Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
