he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
