we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
