So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
