White coat. Heels.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
