We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
