like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
