Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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