Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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