Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize