Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
