it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
